The Squeaky Toys Trilogy
by Beertree
Summary: Three Seekers and a box of squeaky toys can only result in chaos and revenge.
1. Squeaky Toys

"Hey, TC, you gotta see what I just got."

"Skywarp, unless it's a one-way ticket to Cybertron, I am not interested," Thundercracker grumbled, not even looking at the purple Seeker.

"Oh, now, c'mon. I guarantee you'll love it," Skywarp wheedled, coming to stand and stare over Thundercracker's shoulder.

"I am busy, Skywarp," Thundercracker growled. "Busy cleaning up the mess you made of our reports for the last 3 workshifts. I am definitely not interested in anything you might have." He spun around in his seat to glare at his wingmate and banged his head on the cardboard box Skywarp was carrying.

Now, it wasn't a large box, not by Decepticon standards. Actually, it was a rather small box but Skywarp was very proud of it and had stuck it out show Thundercracker.

Thundercracker raised his hand and pushed Skywarp away and in the process crushed one side of said box.

"Hey, easy. Valuable merchandise in there," Skywarp scolded the blue Seeker.

"You have been talking to Swindle way too much, you know."

"Pshaw, Swindle had nothing to do with this. I got it on E-Bay."

"And I suppose you used PayPal," Thundercracker responded sarcastically.

"Yes, what do you think?"

Thundercracker shook his head and returned his attention to the computer monitor.

"Wait," Skywarp said. "You haven't seen what's inside."

He plunked the rather worse-for-wear box on Thundercracker's desk. Thundercracker reached to brush the box off the desk, but Skywarp grabbed his arm with one hand and reached into the box with the other. Then he proudly held up his prize.

Thundercracker stared at the miniscule thing between Skywarp's fingers. "What is that...that...thing?" he asked incredulously.

Skywarp held it up to Thundercracker's nose component and squeezed his fingers together. Squeak, squeak went the toy—much louder than could possibly be expected from such a tiny item.

Thundercracker reared back in surprise and nearly fell out of his chair. "What the slag?"

Skywarp started to cackle. He squeezed the toy again. Squeak, squeak. "Isn't it great? I bought 500 of them. 500 squeaky toys." He put his hand back in the box and pulled out a handful. "Mice, bones, little cats, little dogs, little mailmen. And they all make that horrible noise."

"And what do you plan on doing with 500 tiny squeaky toys?"

Rubbing his hands together, Skywarp bent close and whispered confidentially into his friend's audio sensor, "I've got plans. Yes, I do."

"In that case, leave me out."

"Oh, no, can't do that. I need you."

Thundercracker frowned menacingly at Skywarp. "No, you don't."

"Just play along, ok?" Skywarp begged. "You really don't have to do anything. Just be there."

Thundercracker shook his head. "No."

"Please?" Skywarp begged. "Please? It'll be great, I promise."

"I don't have to do anything? As in Thundercracker is not responsible for Skywarp getting his aft handed to him if something goes wrong?"

Skywarp grinned and nodded vigorously, knowing he'd won.

"Ok, what do you want from me."

"Like I said, nothing. Just be in my quarters at shift change."

OoOoOo

As promised Thundercracker arrived at Skywarp's room just after his shift ended. He raised his hand to the buzzer to make his presence known when the door slid open and Skywarp pulled him inside and slid a high-grade energon cube into his hand.

Thundercracker stared at the cube then searched the clutter in Skywarp's quarters for the box of toys. he didn't see them. Shrugging, he pushed a pile of datapads from a chair and seated himself.

"Now what," he asked. He clutched the cube unhappily and didn't taste its contents.

Barely able to keep a straight face, Skywarp said, "Screamer will be here in a minute."

Thundercracker jumped to his feet. "No, no, I will not be involved in anything involving Starscream. I'm leaving."

"TC, don't worry. Like I said, all you have to do is be here. I have to make him think that I asked him here for an after-shift Energon. If you're not here, he'll get suspicious."

"Suspicious of what?"

But before Skywarp could answer, the buzzer sounded and Skywarp practically warped to the door in his haste to answer it.

It slid open and revealed Starscream looking, not surprisingly, suspicious. He glanced around the room and noted Thundercracker sitting amidst the rubble with a cube in hand. He relaxed slightly and entered. He nodded at Thundercracker. Skywarp handed him a cube and then swept more clutter from his recharge bed so Starscream could sit.

Starscream sat but not without first giving the spot an extra brush with his hand. He glanced at his hand and wiped it on his leg.

"Now isn't this nice?" Skywarp said.

Thundercracker and Starscream stared at him.

Starscream took a swallow of Energon then got up. "I really must go," he told Skywarp and Thundercracker.

"No, don't go. Relax, unwind," Skywarp insisted. "Have another high-grade." He plucked out another cube from his storage box and put it next to the one Starscream was working on.

"Just one more, then," Starscream responded and sat back down.

Skywarp grinned encouragingly at his wingleader and took a sip from his own cube.

OoOoOo

Starscream turned one achy optic on and peered blurrily around. He was alone in Skywarp's room. He groaned in realization. He'd overcharged again. He pushed himself up on his elbow. Squeak. Startled, he looked around. Nobody was in the room. He sat up. Squeak. He stood up. Squeak. He took a step. Squeak. He walked to the door. Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.

By the time he reached the command center for the senior staff meeting, he was ready to scream.

He squeaked into the presence of Megatron, Soundwave and the other senior officers. They all turned and listened to him squeak across the room and sit down with a squeak.

"Starscream," Megatron growled at him. "Are you fit for duty?"

Starscream opened his mouth to answer, "Squeak."


	2. The Squeaky Toys Strike Back

"I have never been so humiliated in my life."

"Oh, I doubt that," Hook responded blandly and dropped another tiny toy into a bucket on the floor. It bounced out and landed on the floor to join its minions scattered about his feet. He moved his foot slightly and stepped on it. It squeaked in agony. Hook grinned.

Starscream winced. "How many?" he asked.

"I stopped counting at 300," Hook replied, briskly digging about in the Seeker's leg for more of the annoying pests. He grabbed another with his tweezers.

"Ow! That hurts," Starscream yelped.

"Then hold still."

"I'll never live this down. Megatron's face," Starscream moaned remembering Megatron's attempt to hide his amusement. "I will have revenge," Starscream announced, "Ouch!"

"I told you to hold still."

Starscream held very still, fiendishly imagining all manner of hurt he was going to put on Skywarp, for he knew this was the handiwork of that purple miscreant.

"I cannot find anymore," Hook finally announced. "Get up and walk around and I'll have a listen."

Starscream got to his feet in merciful silence.

"I think that's every one of them." Hook bent down to scoop up the errant squeaky toys and dumped them into the bucket.

"It had better be," Starscream scolded him.

Hook glared up at the Air Commander then he stood and shoved the bucket into Starscream's hands.

"These are yours. Do with them as you will."

Starscream eyed the contents of the bucket distastefully but didn't put the bucket down. He turned to leave, his mind scrambling for some way to use them against Skywarp.

"Starscream," Hook called out to him. "Here, you can have this, too." He placed a small container on top of the squeaky toys.

Starscream glanced at the label then did a double-take. He grinned evilly at the green Constructicon medic. "Why, thankyou, Hook. How generous."

OoOoOo

"Thundercracker, report to my office immediately."

"Uh, yes, sir, Starscream," Thundercracker responded hastily, surprised yet not surprised by the summons.

He turned angry optics on Skywarp. "This is all your fault, you know."

Skywarp grinned. "Yep," he laughed.

Thundercracker gave one more scowl to Skywarp over his shoulder as he buzzed the Air Commander's office.

"Come in, Thundercracker," Starscream's voice, less screechy than usual, beckoned him to enter.

Thundercracker didn't like that tone of voice. It meant that his superior officer was plotting something. He didn't like it at all right at that moment.

Starscream greeted him with a huge smile. Thundercracker shuddered in horror. This was worse than he thought. He did 't like it when Starscream smiled either.

"Please sit, TC," Starscream said almost stumbling over the nickname in his attempt to be schmoozy with the blue Seeker. "I'm sure you know why I called you in here."

Thundercracker held up his hands fending off accusations, though none had actually been made. "I didn't have anything to do with it, Starscream. It was all Skywarp."

"Oh, I am well aware of that. But you were there. You helped him."

"I didn't know what he was going to do. Honest."

"Really. That is interesting." Starscream tapped his chin thoughtfully. "In that case, I'm sure you'll be delighted to help me."

Thundercracker's optics nearly popped out of his head in surprise. "I'd really rather not be further involved in any revenge plans," he muttered sorrowfully.

Starscream stared at Thundercracker, his smile serene, his optics burning.

Thundercracker rested his head in his hands. "I am so slagged," he mumbled.

OoOoOo

The shift had finally ended. Thundercracker trudged bleakly down the corridor to Skywarp's room wishing that something, anything, even an Autobot attack could have delayed this moment. But, noooo, the Autobots refused to consider his feelings in the matter and had remained happily playing their little Autobot games inside that slaggin' volcano. Primus, he hated the Autobots.

He raised his hand to buzz. His finger hung suspended over the button unwilling to go that extra inch but then it remembered Starscream's expression just as Thundercracker left the office. It hurriedly pressed the button.

The door slid open and he stepped into the dim room. It hadn't changed a bit since that day—was it only yesterday?—when those dreadful squeaky toys had entered his life. And Skywarp sat in the middle of the mess, putteringly contentedly over some weapon of mass destruction or other.

Skywarp looked up at his wingmate and grinned happily. "TC, what a pleasant surprise. I didn't expect to see you after Starscream got finished with you. Got called away, you know." He went back to his project. "So, how did it go? You get slagged?"

Thundercracker pasted a false grin on his face, "No, actually. Starscream never mentioned it."

"No kidding?" Skywarp looked disappointed. "It was a great gag."

"Yeah, it was. I nearly spit energon when Megatron complimented Screamer on his new speaking voice."

Skywarp started to giggle at the memory then broke down completely in uncontrolled guffaws.

Thundercracker stood behind him staring at the small device in his hand. Sorry, Skywarp, he said to himself as he placed it on the unsuspecting Seeker.

Skywarp's hilarity broke off in mid-guffaw, and he collapsed unconscious to the floor.

Thundercracker sighed dejectedly as he opened the door. He stared at Starscream who had been waiting for this moment in the corridor then pushed past him.

"He's all yours," he growled.

OoOoOo

What hit me? Skywarp wondered when he came online lying face down on the floor rather than in his recharge bed. He rolled over and his audio sensors were assaulted by a thousand squeaks.

His optics flashed bright crimson in horror. Amidst an uproar of loud squeaks he climbed to his feet and looked down at his body. He was covered in squeaky toys. Even the palms of his hands and the bottom of his feet.

He pushed at one on his arm tentatively. "Squeak!" it shrieked. He pulled on it. Then he yanked on it in a panic, realization hitting him. It was glued on oh, so tightly.

"You are so slagged, Thundercracker," he howled. "I'm am going to get you for this."

Starscream shut off the 'com in his office, laughing quietly to himself.


	3. Return of the Squeaky Toys

I can't take this much longer, Thundercracker thought. Every day that dawns in blissful silence is another day closer to total destruction. Or insanity, he added forlornly. This is how he's going to get back at me, I just know it—he's going to drive me insane with the waiting.

The blue Seeker peered furtively into command center. Nobody paid him the least mind not even the dreaded Skywarp sitting at his computer apparently working diligently.

It was all a front. Skywarp never worked at anything diligently. He was up to something.

As if to confirm Thundercracker's most paranoid thoughts, Skywarp rapidly clicked away from the screen he'd been watching when Thundercracker sat down next to him.

Skywarp smiled charmingly at him. "Hey, TC, how's it going?"

Thundercracker glared at him. "As if you didn't know."

Skywarp looked innocent. "What? What have I done?"

"It's not what you have done, it's what you haven't done...yet."

Skywarp looked hurt. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Thundercracker glowered at his wingmate. If he hadn't known he wouldn't have guessed that several days ago Skywarp had been a polka dot mess of missing paint after enduring the removal 500 or so squeaky toys from his shell by Hook, who took great pleasure in using the strongest solvent he could find.

Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, the squeaky toys had not survived. Skywarp had definitely been unhappy about the whole thing, especially about the loss of the toys. He'd blamed Thundercracker for it. It didn't matter that their wingleader and superior officer, Starscream had done the deed. Thundercracker had set him up. That's all that mattered.

But now, days later, there had been no retribution. Of course, Thundercracker had done everything in his power to prevent a retaliation. He'd refused to shutdown for recharge, he'd turned down several offers of high-grade, he'd even taken drastic steps to never be alone with Skywarp.

He was getting tired now. Really tired. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this up. He was almost to the point where he wished Skywarp would pull the prank and get it over with. Almost, but not quite.

"Wow, you look really bad," Skywarp said after a few minutes of silence. "When was the last time you had any recharge?" Thundercracker just glared. "TC, TC, TC, I know what you're thinking, but how could I possibly get you back for the squeaky toy incident? They are all gone, pfft, destroyed." He flung his hands out indicating a huge explosion though the toys had only been dissolved into a mess of vinyl goo.

"Trust me," he added almost as an afterthought.

"So, what you are saying is that you have no plans whatsoever to get me back?"

"Nada, zip, zilch," Skywarp replied holding up one hand like an honest Boy Scout. Thundercracker couldn't see Skywarp's other hand, fingers crossed, behind his back.

Thundercracker relaxed, slightly—he wasn't so foolish as to believe Skywarp—but nothing was going to happen in the next duty shift. Plus, here he could keep a very close optic on the little heel.

He sat and stared at his monitor and dreamed of a really good recharge.

OoOoOo

The order for battle had come suddenly, like most orders of this kind do. Thundercracker, tired beyond any measure he had at the time, had leaped, perhaps with less consideration than should've been give the situation, into action. The fight had gone well. He thought. He'd scrapped a number of Autobots. He thought. At this point, he just didn't know or remember.

He still feared Skywarp, though, and upon returning to his quarters, he sat down at his desk with the intention of hacking Skywarp's private computer access.

It wasn't difficult. Skywarp's passwords were pretty obvious once a little thought was given to the problem. He quickly had the purple jet's E-Bay account up and was scanning his activity.

"Primus below," he muttered. "He's nuts. No wonder his quarters look like a junk pile, he buys enough of it."

The soothing flow of words across the screen blurred slightly. Thundercracker shook himself then thumped his head to clear his vision. He read some more . His chin slowly dropped to his chest. Startled by the clink of metal hitting metal, he jerked awake.

He moved to a different screen and continued to read. His head hit his desk with a clang, and he didn't wake up.

OoOoOO

"Aaggg," Thundercracker groaned softly. His neck and back ached from being in one uncomfortable position for too long. He raised his head and sat back in his chair.

"Squeak."

"Yarggh!" he shrieked leaping to his feet in dismay.

"No, no, no, no," he bellowed.

"Squeak, squeak," was the reply.

The floor felt unnaturally springy and squeaky beneath his feet. He dropped heavily into his chair and surveyed the destruction. There were squeaky toys and squeaky balls of varying sizes everywhere; on the floor, on the walls, on the ceiling, on his recharge bed, on his desk and even on his computer and chair.

"Over at last," he sighed, his head dropping to the desk in relief. His head bounced back up unbidden.

"Squeak, squeak."


	4. Revenge of the Squeaky Toys

"You'll pay for this, 'Warp," Thundercracker muttered furiously as he pried another tiny squeaky ball from his computer workstation. He threw it with more force than absolutely necessary into the waiting trash receptical only to watch it bounce out again. "Gah!" he growled.

He'd been working at the unpleasant task of cleaning up his quarters for hours. The solvent given to him by Hook had worked well, but it had also dissolved the paint on his hands along with the adhesive Skywarp had used. This only served to make him angrier.

He sat down on his chair. It had been the only object in the room to escape Skywarp only because he'd been sitting in it when the deed had been done. He gazed at the overflowing container thoughtfully. The toys were pretty much slagged after being wrenched from their resting places so he couldn't really use them as they were intended. Most no longer even squeaked. But there were a lot of them. He didn't know how but they seemed to have spawned. He shuddered at the thought that they might be breeding.

Hmmmm, he thought.

Without further hesitation he turned to his computer and brought up Google.

OoOoOo

Transformers can't whistle as they have no lips to purse and really no air to push through pursed lips. Decepticons certainly didn't whistle even if they could. They could, however, hum and that was the sound that Thundercracker made as he worked in the vent above Skywarp's door. Fear of discovery kept making him look down and around which only slowed him down, but he was happy despite that fear for he was working on revenge.

Quickly, he hooked up the trigger device that ran from the sensor he'd place in the floor in front of the door, closed the vent lid and jumped from the ladder to test it. He stepped lightly on the spot on the floor and the ceiling dropped open. Thundercracker grinnned.

Climbing carefully back up the ladder he, with some effort, pushed a large container of polyethylene goo into the space he'd made and rigged up the heating device to keep the goo liquid. He closed the vent, jumped down form the ladder and cleaned up all evidence of his tampering.

He rubbed his bare, metal hands together in anticipation of the carnage to come and found a place to hide and observe.

OoOoOo

Several hours later, Thundercracker was getting a little annoyed. Where is he? he wondered. He got off-duty hours ago. Gah, this is going to be a disaster.

He was almost ready to bang his head on the wall when he heard footsteps approaching. Finally.

The footsteps grew louder, closer and, unfortunately, heavier. Definitely not Skywarp. Thundercracker's optics flared in panic when Motormaster, the huge, mean, slightly crazy stunticon leader pounded by his hiding place.

Scrap, no! was all Thundercracker thought.

He sprang out and pounded after the black Semi. Without uttering a sound he slammed his shoulder into the Stunticon, pushing him past the booby-trapped floor panel. Unfortunately, again, Thundercracker found himself standing on it.

Motormaster turned in fury at being hit from behind for absolutely no reason that could be determined in his slow-working Central Processor. "WHAT THE SLAG?" he bellowed reaching for the smaller Seeker.

Thundercracker looked up as the trap was sprung and a large container of liquid squeaky toys dumped on his head. The goo ran viscously down his head, over his wings and dripped slowly onto the floor.

Motormaster, in a display of self-protection that was amazing to behold, jumped back to avoid the mess. He narrowed his optics and stared, befuddled, at the dripping, oozing Thundercracker. Befuddlement turned to anger. "THUNDERCRACKER, YOU ARE DEAD!" he bawled.

Thundercracker could only sigh and shake his head in resignation as he watched Motormaster's fist fly towards his face.

Transformers can't whistle but that doesn't mean they don't give it a try which explained the odd noise Skywarp made as he strutted down the corridor towards his quarters. He paused momentarily as he caught sight of the mess in front of his door. Shrugging, he opened his door and entered. A moment later, he stepped out again and looked up. He stepped back into his room for an extended period of time then he stepped back out unsuccessfully suppressing a chuckle.

"Just hanging around, TC?" he managed to ask as he took in the blue Seeker stuck to the ceiling and oozing goo.

Thundercracker glowered down at him. "Don't ask. Don't even ask," he grunted.


End file.
